It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
