u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
