I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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