I hate all girls vehemently.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
