My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
