Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
honey bunches of taint.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
