I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he wants to bone in the snuggie
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
