When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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