Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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