Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
