Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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