yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
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Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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