i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
