In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
