Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
