You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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