May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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