You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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