I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
