left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
