i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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