Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
