They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
