This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Pants are for mortals
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
