I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize