youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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