Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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