So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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