He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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