hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
