I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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