my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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