We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
