i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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