Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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