The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
