you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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