Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
