booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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