I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
