if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
two words...techno handjob
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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