Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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