Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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