I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
