just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
