so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
