Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
