did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
