My cat gives me a boner
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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