thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
