Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
babies were throwing up all over the place
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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