Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
