Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
