We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
COCAINE IS GR8
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
