i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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