I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
