some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
