apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
