LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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