Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
