btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
