I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
