And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
