if i can run in heels then i can drive
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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