he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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