I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
