I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
