38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
