omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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