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Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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