the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
