I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
