Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
