so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
