Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
