As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
