it hurts more in the daytime
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
