I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
my nose is crying tears of wow.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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