this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
