I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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