I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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