well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
