I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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