her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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