Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
