the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
